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Na Today Blog

The Rooms

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The rooms

 

Into the humble and once smoke-filled rooms with rickety chairs and worn-out carpet, I stepped

Banners suggesting a flicker of hope draped the walls as my new fellows shuffled in, to seek redemption

No one is skipping or dancing yet smiles adorn their faces, maybe a welcome holy grail for this lost soul

All welcome they said there’s only one requirement at this very minute, a desire, with no apparent leader of this loving pack

With my shoes and soul threadbare I didn’t care so much for lectures, just hope and a glimpse of opportunity

We come from all walks, travelled a very familiar path as only we understand it, that dark and lonely time we spent in hell

Biology, tragedy or trauma led me to this complex mix of nightmares, where I soothed my madness, with just one more

No more I’ve had enough, the gift of desperation welling in my head, I can’t go on like this

Like prep school for the wounded, I took a little direction and counted to 12, a few hugs and some measured love, abound

Minute by minute, day by day my sanity prevailed, they walked with me and didn’t let go, even when I stumbled

Eventually, I found a higher power or two first it was Flipper then I went a little deeper and found the universe

She smiled upon me, I smiled back and paused to say thank you then grasped and carried that message of hope

Which was so lovingly and kindly given to me.

Rod B

 

Na Today Blog

NA + H&I = Not Alone

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NA + H&I = Not Alone

For the great majority of NSW prison inmates with addiction issues, visits by NA members are likely the only encounter with NA and 12-step recovery they will ever have. I felt unqualified for prison H&I, but I had the time and willingness to be of service. What quickly became evident is that it isn’t about me, my lack of prison experience/hard-man act or tats. I was probably the least likely person to click with inmates – a retired bloody schoolteacher!

Prison visits demonstrate to inmates that just for today someone in NA cares about those who cannot attend meetings. I’m here to listen, encourage and share the NA message of recovery, strength and hope. One career skill I employ is remembering faces and names and it means a lot to inmates to be greeted by name.

Friendship and mutual respect take time to develop, so having a regular gig is important. We look forward to seeing each other. Stories I’ve shared about my troubles (demonstrating that life continues to knock us sideways in recovery) have elicited the guys to ask after my family members with genuine concern and the sharing of their common experiences. The more I get to know the men and recall their circumstances and struggles, the deeper and more meaningful our share.

One comment that meant a lot to me leaving Long Bay was “I liked that you don’t act tough, don’t swear that much and you make the effort to get here (from Katoomba) – thanks!” Almost invariably, the men are respectful, attentive and keen to show themselves and their families that they’re attempting to seek a new way of life without drugs. Our meetings open with a reminder of the 3rd and 12th Traditions. Members warm up with a reading card before they share the ravages of addiction and how they’re doing today. I read something from our literature and do the same. We close with the Serenity prayer.

Sadly, there are precious few NA members authorised to visit prisons. Some remote prisons such as Nowra, Wellington, Glenn Innes and Broken Hill offer scheduled online NA meetings via the Webex or Zoom platforms. Glen Innes Prison has a Zoom meeting on Sunday at 10 am. The minimum clean time of NA members is 1 year, however, a Corrective Services authorisation is not a requirement (if you want to give prison H&I a try). Derek D is known to anyone who looks into H&I service within NA. Liaising with Corrective Services NSW to authorise NA members to visit NSW prisons, Derek’s passion for H&I is infectious (H&I meetings have been running almost continuously since 1983 – 41 years!).

You don’t need prison experience to do prison meetings! We are all qualified to talk about addiction and more importantly, how to get clean and stay clean. Geographical, drug dealing, crime, violence, toxic relationships, swapping one drug or one form of addiction for another and lies, endless lies. Each of us has our own story with its drug-crazed antics, isolation, degradation, and self-obsession. We’re all qualified to talk about addiction and more importantly, how to get clean and stay clean.

One commitment a month can make an enormous difference. Lives can change! As many members have found, the Hospital and Institution (H&I) service is one of the best things we can do for our recovery and quality of life.

Interested in H&I?
The only requirements for NA members to visit NSW prisons are:
● A suggested 5-year gap since your last conviction for your Criminal Record Check.
● Completing an application form and signing a standard conduct agreement.
● Passing an online Security Awareness course, to be completed in your own time.
● Flexibility & commitment to visit during H&I visiting times, which may include weekends.

For more details contact Derek D at 0409363975 or Paul M at 0447603835.

Paul M (Katoomba)

 

December 2023

Na Today Blog

Getting off the not-so-merry-go-round.

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Getting off the Not-So-Merry-Go Round.

Daniel R from Brisbane 

What was it like?

Hi, my name is Daniel and I’m an addict. Before coming to NA, life was a relentless combination of isolation, insanity, and disconnection. I had no trouble ever accepting I was an addict: I knew from a very early age that I could not control my drug use, so I tried to stop using. I felt hopeless, and living without hope was very painful. There were periods when I stopped now and then, when the pain got too bad or when I ran out of money, but this was for no longer than a month, and I was still using alcohol to numb the pain of life until I had enough money to score again. It was up and down, around and around. I seemed to be stuck on a rollercoaster of misery, never being able to get off.

The lowest point was when my mum died. She called me while I was living overseas. I was driving at the time and I heard the fear in her voice as she asked me to pull over. The knot of anxiety in my stomach grew as she said the words “I have stage four colorectal cancer”. My mum had been my best friend, my protector, my biggest backer when all else was lost, and I knew in my heart that I was losing her. Three months later, she had passed away. I returned home during the middle of the COVID pandemic and despite wanting to spend time with her, I used more than ever. I lived too used and used to live despite knowing I could be spending more time with Mum. The lowest point was me messaging my mum on the day she started chemotherapy to ask for $50 to go score. I don’t call this my rock bottom but this memory comes to mind when I recall how self-centred I had become.

What brought me to NA?

After Mum passed away, life was an ongoing disaster of rehabilitation, arrests, court, and short periods of clean time with new rock bottoms. I could write about them, but honestly, I’m not sure I even remember them. I had occasionally attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings but at the time I did not believe a program based on spirituality was for me. However, after multiple attempts at rehab, a violent relationship, multiple hospital admissions, and homelessness, I was finally ready to try anything. Finally, I gave up on the idea that I had anything left in my arsenal to help.

I was admitted to my fifth rehab in 2022 and was required to attend regular NA meetings. Unable to stand meetings at first; I hated everything about the program, particularly the idea of spirituality and a reliance on a higher power. I had experienced God through attending a very religious high school and as an openly gay teenage boy, I wanted nothing more to do with him. I read “A God of your understanding” but thought that naïve NA people didn’t believe this! It was a religious program despite all they said. I knew better!

There are a lot of cliches around the NA rooms and “bumper stickers’ repeated over and over. However, my experience is that an older, cleaner member’s clichés can be absolute gold for the newcomer. All it took was for a member to say “anything you put before your recovery, you will lose” and I thought “yes, that’s exactly what happened to me. I suddenly identified with a group of addicts trying to get better and felt our common experience and understanding of addiction. Suddenly, within the time it took to share 30 words or less, I had identified with experience, strength and hope that NA members freely share.

What life is like now?

Unfortunately, I couldn’t quite let go of the idea that my sexuality made me somehow defective and slightly inferior. After 8 months of engaging with the program, doing regular meetings, and starting the steps with a sponsor, I found myself in an early recovery relationship. It was great at first, he told me loved me and accepted me exactly as I was. In hindsight, I no longer had to do any of the hard work around learning to love and accept myself because I had an intimate partner validating me every day. It was great at first, but it soon descended into hell and by the end, domestic violence. I stopped going to meetings and when the pain became too much, I relapsed. In four short months, chaos, pain, and unmanageability crept back into my life. I was, yet again, broken.

I needed to act and yet again, I thought rehabilitation at an institution was the only way. Fortunately, I had done some NA and knew that the program, meetings and fellowship worked. I knew from personal experience there was hope in NA, outside of rehabilitation, if I did what was suggested. And if I could let go of the idea that anything external could make me whole.

From the first day of my recovery, I’ve done exactly as suggested: I joined a homegroup (a beautiful, welcoming Rainbow homegroup) and begged an older, cleaner member to be my sponsor. With him, I worked out a daily program of readings, gratitude and regular step work each day. I committed to attending 90 meetings in 90 days and through this formed more connections with fellow addicts trying to stay clean than I’ve ever had in my life. I meditate regularly and set aside an hour each day to complete all of this. After doing my first three months of NA recovery without rehab, I’ve established a daily program that I do to the best of my ability.

These days, my life is full of hope. Life isn’t perfect, it isn’t always easy but it is simple. I’m on a long journey to self-acceptance and loving myself despite being imperfect but for the first time I’ve let go of the idea of the idea that external dependencies (romance, drugs, food, shopping) can ever complete me.

I thank my Higher Power each day for all they’ve given me: hope, gratitude, friends, fellowship and yes, each night, going to bed clean. There’s a first for everything in this recovery and it wouldn’t be possible without NA.